Smelliest First Date Ever

Social occasions make me cringe, especially if they involve the wrong people. I know all about that.  Sometimes the weirdest things happen. Most of the time things go as planned with no surprises. There are the other times when I wish I had stayed at home. Let me tell you one instance. I recently agreed to go out with a classmate and was pretty excited. I liked him well enough and wanted to know him better on a personal basis.  I thought it would be perfect as we are both lovers of sea creatures and study the same subjects. I see him every day but our conversation is limited.  Our first date was to be at a local bar and grill we both love. I had been there with girlfriends and knew the lovely atmosphere would obscure any awkwardness. However, it would have taken a virtual gala celebration to mask the kind we experienced that night. My date had a couple of beers, not in itself out of the ordinary. I didn’t care if he had two more since I was the designated driver.

This wasn’t the least of the problem. I wasn’t prepared for the sudden onrush of smelly gas. I had been with beer drinkers many times before and nothing like this had ever happened. They would belch a few times at best. This was obvious, intense and disgusting. What on earth was wrong with him? It couldn’t be the beer. Farting is not associated with even heavy drinking based on what I’d read here: Maybe it was the food but I had eaten the same thing with no consequences. I guess he had a particular problem. Assuming it wouldn’t go away, I tried to figure out a way to end the date then and there. I told him I didn’t feel well and hopped in the car as fast as I could. He preferred to stay behind, thank the Lord. I don’t think I could have stood any more of that body effusion. Let him stink up the bar and get kicked out. Ha!

That was our last date. In class, I could hardly look him in the face. But, oddly enough, he asked me out a second time—to go beer drinking! No way, I thought. I wouldn’t even go for a soft drink with this odd ball. I could barely tolerate his presence. The smell just kept coming back into my memory bank. I prayed the gas would never happen in class as we did not have the option of moving our seats. I would have to wait patiently until the end of the semester.

I tried to find out if beer causes gas with no success. I am convinced that it is safe to consume it as often as you like without embarrassing yourself in public. The worst outcome of suds is a big fat belly.