Smelliest First Date Ever

Social occasions make me cringe, especially if they involve the wrong people. I know all about that.  Sometimes the weirdest things happen. Most of the time things go as planned with no surprises. There are the other times when I wish I had stayed at home. Let me tell you one instance. I recently agreed to go out with a classmate and was pretty excited. I liked him well enough and wanted to know him better on a personal basis.  I thought it would be perfect as we are both lovers of sea creatures and study the same subjects. I see him every day but our conversation is limited.  Our first date was to be at a local bar and grill we both love. I had been there with girlfriends and knew the lovely atmosphere would obscure any awkwardness. However, it would have taken a virtual gala celebration to mask the kind we experienced that night. My date had a couple of beers, not in itself out of the ordinary. I didn’t care if he had two more since I was the designated driver.

This wasn’t the least of the problem. I wasn’t prepared for the sudden onrush of smelly gas. I had been with beer drinkers many times before and nothing like this had ever happened. They would belch a few times at best. This was obvious, intense and disgusting. What on earth was wrong with him? It couldn’t be the beer. Farting is not associated with even heavy drinking based on what I’d read here: Maybe it was the food but I had eaten the same thing with no consequences. I guess he had a particular problem. Assuming it wouldn’t go away, I tried to figure out a way to end the date then and there. I told him I didn’t feel well and hopped in the car as fast as I could. He preferred to stay behind, thank the Lord. I don’t think I could have stood any more of that body effusion. Let him stink up the bar and get kicked out. Ha!

That was our last date. In class, I could hardly look him in the face. But, oddly enough, he asked me out a second time—to go beer drinking! No way, I thought. I wouldn’t even go for a soft drink with this odd ball. I could barely tolerate his presence. The smell just kept coming back into my memory bank. I prayed the gas would never happen in class as we did not have the option of moving our seats. I would have to wait patiently until the end of the semester.

I tried to find out if beer causes gas with no success. I am convinced that it is safe to consume it as often as you like without embarrassing yourself in public. The worst outcome of suds is a big fat belly.

Time for my Monthly Pampering Session!

I am sitting here looking at my beautiful aquarium, thinking that I should treat myself to a new fish, one that is exotic and colorful and will make me smile. Speaking of treating myself, it is time for my monthly splurge: the best pedicure in town. Getting a pedicure, as well as the long and intense foot massage that is part of the process really helps me stay energized and focused on my schoolwork.

If you have never experienced a full-fledged pedicure/massage, you are in for a surprise. The first time I had one (given as a birthday gift from my mother), I was hooked. I read up all about the benefits here. From that moment on, it became a monthly necessity of life. I wish I could afford to do it weekly, but that schedule will be for another time. Now I am happy enough with what I get. I opt for the extra-long supreme version. No run-of-the-mill session for me. I did say it is a splurge, didn’t I. You owe it to yourself to indulge once in a while, if not more often. I sit, contemplate my recent studies (which happen to be marine biology), and relax until I practically fall asleep. I go home in the best mood possible. The rest of the day and evening float by.

When you get a top-tier pedicure, you can a twenty-minute foot bath in citrus-scented warm water. Then you get a tub of suds to wash away fatigue and stress. After a towel drying, the accoutrements of the trade come out. They clip your toenails, file them into a perfect shape, cut and push down the cuticles, and get rid of rough skin on your heel. This is done by dipping your feet in a hot paraffin bath. Aah! The oil in the wax completely transforms your feet. Now it is time for the in-depth leg and foot massage. Experienced hands know just how hard to knead to produce endorphins. Not one toe is overlooked in the process. My calf muscles are often tense from exercise and they appreciate any attention they can get. After a half-hour (you want more), you are ready for polish. Four coats consist of a base, two layers of color, and a top coat to preserve it all for two weeks or more. I always choose fire engine red. It looks great all year round.

On go the sandals so you can go home without marring a single nail. After an hour, the polish is dry and my feet are ready for any kind of shoes. I like open toe or sandals so I can show off the salon’s handiwork. I count the hours to the next pedicure when it is within a day’s reach. I am so grateful that I have given a small fish tank to the salon with a couple of my favorites. I clean it for them before I sit down. It is a fair trade.